Beware of Babies

What is this amnesia that we women have when it comes to babies?

First, we are ready to dismiss the pain of childbirth within days.

Next, the bringing up of babies in the first year is romanticized in our heads to the point of wanting babies forevermore! I’ve cared for infants for 33 years and still feel joy at the newest arrivals. Nature built us to procreate very well.

Here is a list of things I had not remembered but occur every time.

1.Babies always sneeze when their mouths are full of cereal.

2.When they are old enough to hold on to you, babies grab that sensitive skin on the back of your arm.

3.Babies can sleep through anything but the sound of you tip toeing into the next room.

4.Pulling your hair and ripping earrings and glasses off of you is very funny to babies.

5.Boy babies require a speedy pit crew for diaper changes.

6.Babies think you are hollering at them when you use a loud voice unless you are saying “No” , then it’s funny.

7.Babies are very capable of losing their socks and shoes even before they are old enough to sit up.

8.Babies seem weak and helpless until they grab on to your lower lip, then it’s a Kung fu grip.

9.Baby’s elbows and knees are pointy when applied to you chest for leverage.

10.If your baby is sick it WILL sneeze directly into your face repeatedly.

11.Only nursing mothers have babies with opposing teeth by six months. The others seem to take forever.

12.Although tiring, holding a baby as it falls to sleep is heavenly.

13. A newborn smells better than sheets off of the clothesline in June.

14.A baby’s laugh is similar to an electric shock, it is felt through out your body.

15. Kissing babies on the neck can be habit-forming and delicious.

16. Babies are so darn cute all that other stuff just doesn’t matter!

See what I mean? Beware of babies, they’ll steal your heart.

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